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Greetings! I
have just returned from judging at the St. Louis Star
Ball this past weekend. On Saturday night, I was done
judging early and thought I would get to the elevators
before the masses let out. Upon arriving at the elevators,
I ran into a competitor who, I could tell, was not
a happy camper with regard to how he and his partner
had placed in their event. It brought back memories
of my competing days and that awful feeling of paranoia
that you can get. Unfortunately, no matter what I
had to say, this dancer was in no frame of mind to
listen. "That's it, I'm done!" he stated,
"It's all rigged! Why am I killing myself if
I'm not going to be a champion?" My last words
to him were, " Being a champion is not just about
being the one who holds the title". I understand
how he felt, though, I have had those same feelings
myself before, when things didn't turn out as I thought
they should! I guess that's why I was just trying
to say something comforting.
If there is anything that I have
learned over the past 23 years of being in the dance
business, is that my life would not have been any
richer had I won the U.S. Open division or a major
title at the Ohio Star Ball. I can think of several
competitors in the dance world that never quite made
their ultimate goal, whether it was to win a US title
or Blackpool, or whatever title they may have been
chasing. The fact is, there is only one first place
and only so many years for a competitor to try to
get it.
Does this mean that if you only
make it to the final but do not take first, you are
not worthy? I don't think so. I can think of so many
other qualities, besides winning the title, that makes
someone a champion. One important quality of a champion
is the ability to be able to build a rapport with
the dance community...to let them see your human side.
This is one quality that can not be staged or choreographed.
It is essential to carve out a life for oneself, not
only as a dance competitor but as a well rounded person
who loves dancing! Your competing days will eventually
come to an end. You may win a bunch of titles but
it's hard to go beyond the years you're competing
without having built a bridge with your fellow dancers.
It is so easy to get caught up in
all of the negatives of the dance scene. It's easy
because our mind is so set on winning, which if you
are a good competitor, is where it should be. But,
what keeps it healthy is what you do in your life
to create balance when your not competing. What is
your reminder of what is truly important in life?
When I would come home from a competition, I would
have my wife to vent to. Nothing like a loved one
to put things into perspective for you! My kids were
little when I was competing so I would sometimes hop
off the plane from an event and go and coach my son's
soccer team or attend a family outing.
Sometimes just sitting on the porch
swing with my daughters would get my state of mind
back into a healthy place. You see, my wife didn't
really care if I thought my marks were correct or
not. My kids didn't care if Daddy didn't place well
because he thought he had the panel from hell and
his partner didn't dance well that day, or he had
jet lag, the floor was too small, big, crowded, sticky,
slippery........! They were my reality check and I
am thankful to this day that I have my family to bring
me down to earth when needed. I think it is important
for everyone to have a reality check, whatever it
may be. Hopefully, we first of all have someone in
our life who can help us keep a healthy perspective
of things. It can be a spouse, significant other or
a good friend. Sometimes we are so caught up in the
events of our own lives and our own interpretation
of these events that we may lose objectivity. The
overly self-focused person can be a real bore! Other
things we can do would be exercise, (running or working
out at the gym is a great way to clear your head),
other hobbies (I actually love yard work and fishing)
and sometimes just reading a good novel or watching
a movie can help. Whatever it is, it is important
to have balance in your life.
So, I think it's important
for everyone involved in our sport to, every now and
then, take a deep breath and relax. At the risk of
sounding trite, the most important part of what we
do is the journey, not the destination. There is so
much to be gained from the journey, useful information
and experience that help to form us as people. Hopefully
we are always learning in life, just as we are all
always students of dance. Things may not always go
our way or turn out the way we want them to. That
is just a fact of life. Remember, what is really important
is not that you win the title that night, but if you
act like a champion throughout your life. You know
what I mean!
Dan
Messenger
03-12-2001
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